One gentleman and his blog

It's been a while since I've posted - usual story - busy, work, home-life - excuses, excuses.

Well, I've made a prat of myself. Not hard.

We had on next fertility check-up appointment yesterday. To rewind the scenario, if you remember my February semen fluid analysis came back as sub-optimal and showed signs of some infection. Well, I took the antibiotics as prescribed and had to wait 6 weeks before conducting another test - that made it 12th April time. So, despite having a deadline at work, I took some time out last Friday morning to produce a new sample - with disastrous effects. If the last result was lacking in quantity, this one would top it! So, I failed to produce a decent sample. I would have to try again in a few days. So, I'm stood at the bus-stop when the wife calls to check I'd done the dirty deed. So I lied. I said it was better than the previous attempt and was on my way to the lab to drop it off so the result would be ready prior to the hospital appointment.

Stupid, thoughtless mistake.

So, I tried a further attempt on Tuesday - again struggling to produce the goods - maybe I'm stressing too much? - maybe trying to ejaculate into a small, thin pot usually used for urine samples is not the best equipment?

so, I failed.

Along comes the hospital appointment - we turn up 9.45am with our appointment at 10.30am. A LONG time to agonise over the precarious situation I've put myself in. So, 2 hours after our arrival, we are seen by the female consultant....... and a bloody young female student observing. Great.

She talks through the wife's results which all come back as fairly okay. Then onto me. Shit. She mentions the first results being inconclusive and we mention I've produced another sample awaiting the outcome. So the consultant says she will chase it up and we are told to take a seat in the waiting room. Now I felt pressurised to come clean - it felt like everybody sat in the waiting room was staring and looking directly at me. All the couples coming out of the consultant rooms were distraught and in tears - which also played on my mind heavily. I had just blatantly lied to my wife and a hospital consultant in order to buy myself some time to produce a decent sample in fear of my wife's reaction for not being able to perform a simple task.

So, I confessed there and then. The wife walked off in tears leaving me to embarassingly explain to two nurses the truth - much to their amusement.

The consultant was good about it - telling me to go away and chat to my GP about things and about producing another test. I went home with the wife to talk through a lot of issues - why I had lied, why didn't I tell her the truth etc. Believe me, it was one tough afternoon of talking.

So, what's the possibility of having lots of little Moleys running around in the next couple of years? - slim - at this moment in time there's a few complications hampering progress which need to be addressed. Rather frustrating when you get into your 30s and you see your friends & siblings have children etc. I'm just resigned to the fact it may be a long and emotional process and that we may need to think of the other options long-term.

Adoption - lovely idea but not sure as now on the legal side children have rights to find out about their real parents or vice-versa. I just see some drunk, hagged-looking woman turning up on my doorstep wanting her ginger-haired, freckly-faced 'charlie' ot 'tommy' back.

Fostering - again, a lot of emotions involved - getting too attached to a lovely kid and then having the hartbreak to return them to their rightful families. Also, the possiblity of looking after an unstable child with emotional baggage/problems.

So, I'm left here thinking I've been a total idiot lately - my wife disappointed in me and me very disappointed in myself for lying and not telling the truth on something so important to my wife. Feels like I've cheated on her. Definitely think I'm inadequate and firing blanks and that having children is not going to happen.

Being in my 30s is the toughest years I've lived through. Like I say, most of my friends have children. Both mine and my wife's sisters have had children. My parents dote on their grandchildren like prized treasures/possessions. I'm left thinking what to make of things and the way forward. I should be grateful in life - it's not like I'm fighting cancer or suffering a life-threatening illness. I have a loving wife and support of friends/family.

But left feeling totally gutted....

As I'm feeling very lazy, plus I SHOULD be working on important work work - the actual things that helps pay my mortgage etc etc, and the fact my frosty-but-warm-boss is about to walk thru the door at any moment, expecting to find me working on important work, I'll keep this brief/in note format!

Finished important deadline on Friday - despite a frantic commute into Ipswich - and a free-loading passenger refusing to buy a ticket and therefore encouraging the ticket guard to 'call the police' in order to remove him - Jeez.

The wife had a diabetic check with the nurse at our GPs surgery..... only to reveal sky-high blood sugar levels and the confession she hasn't taken her medication for about a year 'because it makes her feel sick'. She was warned that action is required to prevent her ending up in hospital on full body system shutdown. One option is insulin injections. She had a practice at injecting with supervision of the nurse and despite her fear of needles found it very easy. She then had an urgent appointment with one of the GPs the next day who confirmed the same thing. She was also told at any cost not to try to have children with her current dangerous blood sugar levels - the baby would be huge and deformed apparently. Okay, I've seen the film, the Fly before... so I'm back to wearing 'protection'. I've nagged the wife constantly about changing her lifestyle and diet - then she got all upset that I was being nasty to her and not supporting her! I won't be firm with her again if that's what's gonna happen. So, whilst we are still saving to have our house totally re-wired, with no electric oven, I'm insisting on stir-frys and steamed fish/meat/veg.

Despite my disappointment of the 3rd non-arrival of my replacement coffee table from Harveys, I still have not been called since the last delivery date - Wednesday afternoon...despite been told they would investigate further. It's time for me to do my own investigating... into legal action. 3 days I've taken off work for delivery of that bloody coffee table. Don't get me started... (steam out of ears, erractic breathing etc etc).

Attended our annual dinner dance on Saturday night - nice to take our mind off things and concentrate on playing party games whilst getting very drunk. The balloon-modelling idea was hilarious. We also had a few written quizzes to do. For some reason I was sat on the directors / senior management table - all very good for my career profile apparently!! Didn't get to bed until about 3am. Felt very jaded the next day.

My first wedding anniversary is fast approaching (10th March) so action required. Gonna book table for two at posh gastro-pub restaurant. Maybe I should order a string quartet too? Hhhhmmmm, maybe that would be good.

Stolen from bloglikesit, muhahahaha; sappedinhull etc

How many have you done before???

[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then
people gave you weird looks.
So far: 4

[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[x] You have tried to lick your elbow.
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
[x] You just tried to sing them.
So far: 8

[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You've never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
So far: 10

[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You've fallen asleep in class
[ ] If someone says "fart" you laugh.
So far: 13

[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People are often shaking their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice".
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.
So far: 15

[x] You have eaten a bug
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and
didn't realize it
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
So far: 19

[ ] You forward *those* emails because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.
[ ] You break a lot of things
So far: 19

[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused
[x]You have fallen out of your chair before
So far: 21

[x]When you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the
texture of the ceiling
[x]The word "umm" is used many times a day.
So far: 23

total : 23

I've answered honestly ... so now it's your turn !!!

Just read the "offence" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offence" and added up your total fine. When you are done, put your fine on your blog and copy and paste the rules. You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked Weed - £10
Did Acid - £5
Ever had sex at church - £25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-£40
Had sex with someone you met on Internet - £25
Had sex for money - £100
Vandalised something - £20
Had sex on your parents' bed - £10
Beat up someone - £20
Been jumped - £10
Crossed dressed - £10
Given money to stripper - £25
Been in love with a stripper - £20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know - £0.10
Hit on someone of the same sex while at work - £15
Ever drive drunk - £20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk - £50
Used toys while having sex - £30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before - £20
Went skinny dipping - £5
Had sex in a pool - £20
Kissed someone of the same sex - £10
Had sex with someone of the same sex - £20
Cheated on your significant other - £10
Masturbated- £10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -£20
Done oral- £5
Got oral- £5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving - £25
Stole something - £10
Made a dirty home video - £15
Had a threesome - £50
Had sex outdoors - £20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex - £25
Had sex with someone over 10 years older - £20
Had sex with someone under 10 years younger - £25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time - £50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it - £25
Went streaking - £5
Went streaking in broad daylight - £15
Been arrested - £5
Spent time in jail - £15
Peed in the pool - £0.50
Played spin the bottle - £5
Done something you regret - £20
Had sex with your best friend - £20
Had sex with someone you work with at work - £25
Had anal sex - £80
Lied to your significant other - £5
Lied to your significant about the sex being good - £25

Rainy day today. Sometimes I love the rain, other days I find it miserable. Yesterday I inadvertently commented 'cometh the sunshine'. Maybe a little premature. Unfortunately the weather does effect me lately. God - a bloke with mood swings.

Again, I'm all alone in our little postage-stamp-sized Cambridge Office. The phone never rings, hardly no emails. In some ways this is a blessing in disguise, in other respects it's depressing. I'm struggling lately to feel motivated in my job and at home. Wish I could snap out of it. I'm feeling 'empty' inside lately - just wandering around like a zombie.

I have two days to finish a deadline. It should be okay though. Just got to get my bum in the right gear!!

I have plenty of work on though over the next few weeks and then we are going to visit some of my wife's family in Lincolnshire at the end of March. That should lift my spirits up.

Right, best crack on with some work - or it'll never be done! Not that I care that much at the moment!

Mr Motivator, where are you?!

Another day, another week, soon to be a new month.

I got off the bus this morning at Cambridge, walked through the park (Christ's Pieces) to work - the sun was shining and the birds in good song. It made me feel very content with what I have. Despite my ailing ability to get the wife pregnant and working for a company which is about to be sold, I am quite upbeat about things.

Maybe it's because the dreary months (Oct - Feb) are nearly over and Spring/Summer are on their way. My emotions seem to be reflected by the changing seasons - through the blackest months cometh sunshine.

There is hope.

Well, this week has flown by. What a strange week it has been!!

I had a letter last Saturday from Addenbrookes - stating my little specimen was at a suboptimal level and showed signs of an infection!

Infection? Well what kind of bloody infection? Certainly not a STD as I've only ever slept with the wife. Unless looking at young ladies with big boobs infects the male reproductive system? - I very much doubt it.

So, I had to book an urgent doctor's appointment to get some antibiotics to clear it up. In the world according to Murphy's Law I had to get the most up-herself, unsympathetic, pompous, egotistic, cold, uncaring, rude female GP. All the other GPs came out to the waiting-room to collect their patients. She didn't - chosing to go the ultimate 'family doctor' personal touch and use the intercom system to announce she was now ready to see her next patient.

Time is now of the essence as I have to take the antibiotics for two weeks and then wait a further six weeks until I have to do my 'manly' duties. Let's all hope for a good result. How hard is it to ejaculate an optimal amount of love-juice into a small pot?

Maybe it's me with the health problems as so far all the wife's tests (3 or 4 separate events) have all shown positive signs. All I had to do was squirt into a pot - and it came back as 'not enough' and 'infected'. Talk about how to really deflate a man....

Still, I have my health.....

...... but slowly losing all of my self-esteem.

I am right, aren't I? TODAY is THURSDAY? Until 2pm, I thought we were on Thursday. My frosty-but-warm boss said goodbye and wished me a lovely weeked as she departed - I was thinking 'what about tomorrow? Tomorrow is Friday! You only part-time now?'

Then I checked my work emails and looked at the date - thus realising today is in fact Friday! Jeez, I need shooting - any offers?

I've spent today going through a powerpoint presentation story-board with my frosty-but-warm boss and her young-and-inexperienced-but-now-in-charge boss, who is my director. Can't seem to get motivated! It's been a crap week, I've been feeling really low, thinking about sky-high dodgy-looking BT Broadband bills (250 calls in a month? I think NOT!), replacement coffee table held by an incompetent delivery company 250 miles away and most importantly why a bottle of chilled pink champagne & two tubs of strawberries still remains unopened in my large, big-bertha fridge.

Right, let's include a random line in order for Google to advertise something irrelevant on my blog....

A large endangered bengal tiger sits proudly on an off-shore oil rig reading his NBA basketball year-book.

That's all folks!
Have good weekends - I will! Hic!!.

Moley

There's a phrase, whether it was from the 'Ronseal' TV commercial campaign during the 90s, I do not know, I'm sure someone will duly correct me!!.... it simply said at the end of the advert, "it does exactly what its says on the tin". No frills, no gimicks, our products stains wood. I like that - what you see is what you get.

Now, that brings me onto one of my pet-hates, love them or loathe them - customer call centres. CUSTOMER SERVICES - It does exactly what it says on the tin? Right? It provides a service to its customers and their needs/concerns. I could be very much mistaken though.

To set the scene, I'll back-track for context, so bear with me.

When relocating from Slough to Haverhill, we fell in love with the last property we saw on a long day of 20-viewings (that's probably one every half hour between 9am-6pm - not recommended from first-hand experience). We discovered the property had been on the market less than a week so we were one of the first to view. We promptly put an offer in and it was accepted.

One of the best features about our 1960's-built terraced house is an out-shed/alleyway that runs parallel to the property - hence providing access to the back-garden. These out-sheds have exterior doors either side. It is interesting to note that this differs from property to property. Some owners keep the out-shed as a store for bicycles etc. Others have bricked up the doorways to provide a separate room (such as a utility room). Ours has the exterior doors remaining but the partion wall has been knocked through, providing an extra-large lounge space. This is one of the reasons we love the property.

So, we sat down with the layouts/measurements and decided that a sideboard and dining table/chairs would fit perfectly in the room with still plenty of space for a large TV and a couple of two-seater sofas. We went window-shopping to all the furniture retailers - the Ikeas, Argos, Harveys, MFIs, Furniture Villages etc etc. We tried out loads of tables and chairs and plumped for an oak-veneered table with leather high-backed chairs, accompanied by matching side-board and coffee table from Harveys. We placed the order, subject to successfully completing the house move. So, this was all set-up and we received our furniture on 25th September. The delivery driver did notice a scratch/chip on the coffee table so took photos on his digital camera and wrote a comment on his delivery note stating the problem and recommendation for replacement. I then received a phone call from the delivery company in November saying the new replacement coffee table had arrived from the manufacturer. Delivery was scheduled on 20th December.

I managed to arrange to have the day-off to receive the new delivery. So, I waited.... and waited... and waited. I kept myself busy by doing housework when my mobile phone rang.... it was my boss..... I then got a call from the wife..... then continued to wash up. Whilst doing so I had another call but assumed it was either my boss or the wife again so let it ring. It was only then when listening to the voicemail that it was the delivery driver calling to say the replacement coffee table had been damaged during transit so no point him coming and he'd take it back to the depot. I was quite furious but these things happen.

I then had another call mid-January with a new delivery slot - Mon 12th Feb. I was told that the delivery could arrive any time between 12noon and 8pm.

Fine, I'll work from home. So again I waited.... and waited.... and waited. The wife was getting quite fidgety about 7pm - I calmed her down reassuring her the delivery could take up to 8pm. We'd been at our parents for the weekend and hadn't got the chance to go shopping - so by now the wife was hungry and tired. So at 7.55pm the mobile rings - the delivery driver! Oh good. "I'm afraid we're gonna have to leave your delivery off as by law we can only do 10hours driving a day and the depot have given us too many drop-offs". I went mental. I phoned his office and went mad. I explained that it was now the third time we had failed to receive a quality product - some good six months since we placed the original order. The supervisor spoke to the driver and called back - apparently it was the driver's/warehouse's fault for departing the depot late. So, as usual one person blames the other. I told the supervisor that I didn't care who's fault it was and I was increasingly getting fed-up of using paid-holiday (she is not to know that I can work from home) - and I would prefer a delivery slot after 5.30pm. She said she couldn't guarantee this but would speak to the distribution manager and call me back the next evening to confirm - which was meant to be last night. She sounded really f*cked off with me at the time - so no great surprises that I got no phone call.

I will take all the paperwork and visit my nearest Harveys store at lunchtime. Quite tempted to persuade perusing potential customers not to buy from a shoddy outfit as their delivery times are truly awful.

Still, it's Valentine's today so I bought a bottle of pink champagne and two packs of strawberries last night. I also bought the wife a sentimental card and bought her a little white porcelain mug that says 'I love you'. Silly, I know! I will buy her some roses later on.

Today is the first time in my life that I have had the pleasure of working from home. It's rather nice - warm, quiet, no phones (other than me mobile that very few work colleagues know).

Although I only work 20 miles away in Cambridge, I didn't fancy the bus-ride or being stranded later on. Also our tiny postage-stamp-sized office in Cambridge isn't very well insulated so it's bloody freezing. Best off here at home.

It's still snowing here but has eased off slightly in the last hour or so.

I kindly put some fruit and bread out for our feathered friends as well as topping up the feeders with wild seed and peanuts. We often get the same regular visitors to the garden - a male and female blackbird, a pair of blue tits and a handful of house sparrows among others.

I'm feeling very cosy in my house - could get quite used to this lifestyle. Maybe my boss does have the right idea about starting out on our own.

Right, best crack on as the wife is due home for lunch soon.

I trust the weather isn't causing people too many probs.

Moley